I woke up after having several dreams overnight that included many people from my life who, in my dreams, were exactly like they are in real life except their flaws weren’t hidden. Last night, my dreams vividly detailed the worst parts of all of these different people — now I don’t know what that says about me, but it got me thinking about how we see people and how much of ourselves we let other people see.
I have spoken of my great grandmother before and she came to mind once again because she was a person who let me see her in sickness, who told me things that she kept from other people to “keep up appearances.” I also think she told me because she knew that I knew enough to know when she needed help with something. Especially when she didn’t want others to know she wasn’t feeling well.
One of the things on the unending list of things I loved about her was her fashion. She was a working woman when she was in her prime and after seeing this article on buzzfeed I realized that she hadn’t really changed the way she dressed — up until her death in 2008, she dressed in clothing she had probably owned since the 1960s. Sure, she bought new clothes for weddings and had some nice church dresses, but she was a simple woman with simple taste. She didn’t have to “dress to impress” anyone because her attitude toward life did that for her.
I remember helping her press her slacks and blouses and sometimes even her stockings. She had the fashion of a 1950s working woman and the spicy attitude to go with it.
Grandma didn’t like people to know when she was under the weather. She didn’t like it when the neighbor man came over for morning coffee early before she had time to do her hair. But she also didn’t hold back her thoughts. She was a straight-forward, honest woman. If she would have been in my dream, she would have been exactly the same person she was every day. I think that is something to strive for.
It’s okay to have flaws, everyone does. But we waste so much time trying to hide our flaws. What are we afraid of?
The list isn’t short — failure, rejection, humiliation…and those are just the ones that sound the worst, there are so many more, most with worse implications that just self-humiliation.
I’m going to strive to show my flaws, to lay it out on the table. I think once it’s out there, it’s easier to deal with. I just wish it wouldn’t have taken some seriously weird dreams and a buzzfeed article for me to figure this out.